Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
