Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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