Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
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You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
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Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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