If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
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I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
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Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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