sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
And then my night got REAL pukey
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
