How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
