my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
