I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
