I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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