i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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