oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
