who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
