I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize