Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
