Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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