It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I think my moral compass just broke
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