a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I would fuck him just for his dog
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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