Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm bleeding and have questions
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
