Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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