I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
