He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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