so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
