I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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