You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
