Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
