You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
