How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
