Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
