Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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