I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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