I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
