hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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