think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
