Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
