Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Your cock deserves a montage
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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