Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
