is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
