drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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