The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
