Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
