o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
