After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
