Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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