I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
