there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
