i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
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His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
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She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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