oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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