why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
