you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she looked like the before picture.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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