i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
