the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
