mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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