I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
