I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
