wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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