I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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