u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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